it’s a dog eat man world

what better way to REALLY wake up in the morning than by your neighbor’s dog. and no… i’m not talking about its rooster impersonating bark. this encounter was more personal.

having had little sleep, i powered through one point five pots of coffee, STRONG coffee at that. was I awake? you ask. i believed so. with a mouthful of listerine in my mouth (redundant, yes, but i found it necessary to clarify) i skipped happily, though sleepily out the door. i walked subconsciously by my neighbors house not entirely expecting (perhaps the odds were 1 in 3) what happened in following second. enter barking bohemoth canine charging full-steam directly at me.

  • .1 second = barking dog… it exists
  • .2 seconds = oh, this has happened before, dog is (thankfully) tied to tree
  • .1 second = i’d better move back because the damned leash is too long and the dog goes freely into what should be neutral and safe public property
  • .3 second = here comes the dog
  • .1 second = hmmm… that’s interesting, the leash isn’t attached to anything after all
  • .1 second = can anyone say RUN?!?!

me the mouse and the dog the cat, we cunningly played cat and mouse. after running halfway down the street, i ran up to some one’s house and the dog became disinterested in my flesh. i felt bad for trespassing but was prepared to explain the extenuating circumstances. somehow, believe it or not, i managed to keep my mouthful of mouthwash in my mouth the entire episode. upon the dog’s retreat i regurgitated the antiseptic feeling sorry for the germs’ prolonged exposure to therapy of their existence.

my fear of dogs wanting to feed on my precious body stems from my humanity. as far as i’m concerned, i’ll be the bigger man and walk away from the aggression. but mark my words dog, as soon as you bite me the high road will start heading down hill…

mark my words: i’ll bite back!

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